A Letter to Myself One Year Ago...

Dear Sweet Mama-to-Be,

Congratulations on your wonderful news!  You just passed the most important test you will ever take.  After failing it twice, I know you feel so many emotions finally getting those two pink lines.  There is no way you can possibly imagine what that little stick actually means right now, but I can give you a little preview.  That little stick means...

....you will soon welcome (sooner than you imagine!) the most precious, challenging, tiny human you have ever met.

...you will spend the next eight months on the wildest, scariest and hardest ride of your life, but that won't be anything compared to the ride of mommy hood.

....you are about to experience extreme exhaustion for the next month, trust me this is preparing you for the actual exhaustion you will face for the next 18 years.

....you are receiving the biggest miracle and sweetest gift anyone will ever give you.

I know right now you want to just say thanks God for this miracle, I can take it from here.  Please keep Him close, because you will need to lean on Him many times over the next few months. He will blow you away with His comfort and use many angels on this earth to get you through the toughest days.

Right now you are probably googling "what to do after a positive pregnancy test" and wondering if you will ever know what to do.  You won't! Try and accept that now.  Your parenting mantra will be "fake it till you make it" and you most likely will never really "make it."  Here is the thing about parenting, just when you think you have it all figured out, get ready to be humbly brought to your knees.  The good news is nobody really knows what they are doing (although some people are better at faking it than others) and children are extremely resilient.  In fact, you will lovingly refer to your sweet daughter as the "first pancake."

You will order all the parenting books and pinterest your little heart out, but nothing can prepare you for becoming a mom.  In fact the things you worried about the most won't really be an issue, and the things you never even thought to worry about, well get ready.  For example:

-you will google and pinterest how to pack the perfect hospital bag, but you will never actually get to pack one.

-you will worry about breastfeeding, but you will have more milk than you know what to do with and despite 17 days in the NICU taking a bottle, your sweet daughter will love to nurse.

-you will spend months creating the perfect nursery, and at 5 months old your daughter has still never spent one night in there.

-you will worry about how you will survive labor, but don't worry when that comes around, you will have way bigger things to worry about.

-you will worry about how you will survive sleep deprivation, but you will be surprised at how you respond.  In fact, you will be blessed with a pretty good sleeper and you will look forward to those late night/early morning talks with your husband (although be careful because you guys won't remember what you said).

-you will worry about being a good mom.  Mommy guilt is harsh.  Patience will be key.  Your emotions will be high.  You will spend all day in tears trying to get your baby to nap and then start to miss her five minutes after your husband lays her down for the night (and then your husband will laugh at you).

-you will worry about the different tests and trials that you will face over the next eight months, but your daughter is a little fighter (and stinker!) and your God is alway faithful.

Being a mom will be the coolest job you ever have, in fact, you will actually give up the job that you love, to be a mom instead.  Well, I don't want to spoil all the surprises, so just try and enjoy these next few months.  Enjoy a nice warm meal sitting down, take a long shower and read because soon your time will no longer be your own!

Love,
You (one year older)